Silence

I am shocked how long it has been since I posted last.  Have things really been rough for THAT long now??  No wonder I am frayed and handling it all with less grace than usual.

This post has had three names now…..

It started as “Ch-ch-ch-changes” and I was going to share the changes that have been taking place here at our house, and why, even though some of those changes have been “good”, it still requires an adjustment. And when it’s lots of changes at once, well, the adjustment takes longer.

It was then called, “Romans 12:12”.  I had one of those moments last week when a scripture SPOKE to me.  They all mean so much to me to read, but once in a while, I stumble on one that touches me deeply and profoundly, and last week, Romans 12:12 was it.

Be JOYFUL in HOPE, PATIENT in AFFLICTION, and FAITHFUL in PRAYER.

Words I desperately needed to hear and feel.  Words that have become my mantra as of late.  They are, quite literally, keeping me from losing it multiple times a day right now.  Thank you Lord for leading my friend Breanne to share this scripture, at the exact moment I needed to hear it.

Applying the verse is taking some time, but I am determined.  I NEED to live and breathe it right now.

When all is said and done though, “Silence” seemed to be the right title today.  Silence is not all bad…..oh how many days have I prayed for it since having children!!??LOL….but sometimes, well, silence happens because I don’t even know what to say anymore.  I have realized this last month that when stressed and overwhelmed, all creative juices cease to flow.  They just stop.  And I just don’t even know where to start, much less, finish.

Today, let me start with….we are okay.

Stressed, overwhelmed, and adjusting to the “new normals” here slower than I would like, but we are okay.  We WILL BE fine….in my heart of hearts, I know that….have faith in that….the journey to get “there” though is taking a winding, twisting road that has me more than a little discombobulated.

Much of what has led me to this place has actually already made the turn toward “good”….

A week and a half of thinking the girls were not going to be able to attend camp in Seattle this year was, so very thankfully, resolved this week.  They were able to find the additional medical staff needed to handle the care now involved in having my children there.

Michael’s 94 year old grandmother is already in rehab after falling in her backyard last Wednesday and breaking her hip.  She was found by the neighbor so help could be called, has gotten through surgery, a few days in the hospital, and is already standing and walking with help at rehab as of today.  That’s ONE week folks and all I can say is that Mammaw is simply amazing.  Her spirit is just as strong as usual and she’s knocking everyone’s socks off.  She is the epitome of a ROCK STAR!!

Madison’s recent hospitalization led to the start of a new medication that is increasing her blood pressures and decreasing her heart rate in exactly the way we wanted to see….and she is EVER so slowly perking up a bit.  Heck, she’s actually sitting here at home fighting another g-tube site infection without crazy low blood pressures like we have seen in the past.  At this point with the Miss, I will take ANY glimmer of hope of improvement, and we are getting a little one right now.

While the van is still not quite fixed, we were able to baby it home from Wichita Falls, able to borrow my mother’s SUV so the kids and I have dependable transportation, and at this moment there is hope that a good tune up is going to get her up and running well enough to get us through a few more months.  We know a newer vehicle is something we will need to figure out a way to get, but just need a few more months before making the leap and this seems to be very possible at this moment.

This is just the tip of the iceberg that is the craziness here right now, but you get the idea.  Just a little stress!!!

Today, while there were complications to deal with, it was a day to celebrate Chance and his 18^th birthday, and we did!!  Today was a GOOD day…..a good day that was very needed and will not be forgotten anytime soon.  If nothing else, the bad days remind me of how much each good day is to be cherished.

Tomorrow, a post I have wanted to make for several weeks now, but needed to wait.  Camp is LITERALLY around the corner (we leave a week from Saturday!!) but we were not able to fundraise till we knew for sure the girls were going to be able to attend.  We now have the go ahead from camp, so tomorrow I will share how, if led, you can help us get the kid’s to Camp again this year.  Excited to share the story…..and while I could have done without the stress of not knowing if they would be able to go, I was reminded how very important this week is for them….how VITAL it is to their quality of life….and how hard I will fight to make it happen for them.  So stay tuned and check back in tomorrow for more information.

All the prayers that so many of you have said, not even knowing the turmoil we have had here, have been felt and cherished.  Thank you for them….please continue them….and know many, many are being said for you all from here too.

BIG hugs,

The M’s