We acknowledged the one-year mark of Michael’s accident on
May 15th. It doesn't sound right to say we celebrated it, or for that matter,
that we mourned it. It just was. And it was acknowledged.
Michael took the day off and we spent it together as a
family of five. We delivered baked goods to some of our haunts from that time
in our lives....Baylor Institute for Rehabilitation, brain injury floor; BIR's
inpatient rehab floor; and our trauma surgeon’s office. There wasn't a total
rhyme or reason for where we stopped by this time around, but it felt good to
go by and say thank you, again. Afterwards we talked of how "at home"
Michael felt at BIR, and how I felt some anxiety about being there, although I
hadn't expected to. A reminder that although we traveled this path together,
our experience was still different. A few weeks out now, I am not sure that we
will feel the need to go back again. As it was, there were only a few people we
recognized from our time there, and they were the ones we wanted to see, and
for them to see Michael, so whole again. Next year we will take some food to
the ICU families....or maybe we won't feel compelled to acknowledge the day in
quite the same way we did this year.
We finished the day with Michael riding in the Ride of
Silence for the first time, and no doubt with more meaning and emotion than it
could have had before. My mom, the kids and I were there too, and it was a
deep, meaningful way to end the day.
Seeing Day 365 brought closure, even more than I had
anticipated. I hoped it might, but was afraid to put too much stock in that
possibility. Instead we went into it wanting to acknowledge it, and get from it
what we could, without a whole lot of expectations. I am glad for that. It made
it even better I think. And now, again a few weeks out, I think it lifted some
invisible weight Michael and I were both carrying around with us. I feel like I
have sighed with some relief I didn't even realize I needed.
And at the end of the day, it was a day of gratitude. It's
difficult to express the depths of gratitude we feel to get the chance to see
this day come.
Friday was my 45th birthday, and memories of where we
were, and what was happening, this time last year crept in. We really are
nearing the end of "the firsts", but this was one we needed to get
through and feel what we needed to. The feelings were all good ones, even if I
am a little shocked that I could possibly be 45 years old. I am now the same
age my mother was when Chance was born and she became a grandmother. It didn't
seem like that big of a deal back then, but being on this end of things, I
cannot even imagine it!! It's pretty remarkable to look back on four and a half
decades of life, and perhaps even more so, with a great deal of respect for
each and every moment that I have lived.
I sometimes find myself praying for calm, for a time
without trials set in my path. But the truth is, without the trials, the beauty
of life, and the blessings sometimes hidden within those moments, would never
be as sweet, nor as profound.
So I am grateful.
For each and every moment of these 45 years I have had the
privilege of living.
For every wrinkle.
For every gray hair.
Hello 45... ...let's do this!!
