26 Days in ICU

Michael & Abby-Urban Assault Ride-Austin, Texas

In all honesty, my brain cannot wrap itself around it being our 26^th day in ICU with Michael.  I cannot fathom how that many 24 hour periods of time could possibly have passed, or that there are things happening that we will someday need to tell Michael about, because he wasn’t with us to experience them.  Only two things are clear to me at this time…..Michael will be proud of how the kids and I have gotten through this time, and that he will be overwhelmed by the love and support that has been shown to our family.  Lord knows, there isn’t one without the other……the kids and I would be a mess if it weren’t for the thoughts, prayers and support of so many….it is literally carrying us right now.

Off on a bike/camping adventure

I knew just enough going in, to know that life in ICU is a roller coaster.  I have watched enough friends go through it, and experienced it myself almost 24 years ago the first time Michael was in ICU.  It does little to prepare you, at least for this length of stay.

Michael started out doing well, considering the extent of his injuries. He got through both surgery to repair his hip, as well as to rebuild his left rib cage in the week after the accident. However then contracted both MRSA in his right lung (the one not injured in the accident) along with yeast, and MRSA in his blood.  With this, the decision was made to do a tracheotomy since our time on the ventilator was already extended, and would continue for some time. We battled these infections for the better part of a week, and then finally started to see him turn the corner towards the next steps in this process.

Michael & Madi

Two days into the turn around, another set back, this one more significant than the first (as hard as that is to imagine).  Fevers started spiking, and while it was clear there was a “bug” somewhere, we had to go hunting for it.  Sadly, it was his lungs, both of them now very sick.  What progress we had made in weaning sedation and the ventilator were lost and we went back to square one.  We did so though with the knowledge that he could follow commands when the sedation was reduced enough, and that he has amazing lungs that, even with a significant infection, were able to tolerate a reduction of the vent.  These two tidbits have made losing so much ground at least a little easier to swallow. I can rest easier knowing them.

As of today, while I am not quite able to say we have turned the corner on this latest infection yet, I can say we are moving in that direction.  Each day his lungs look a smidge better on x-ray, his labs move a little more in the right direction, and we are all breathing easier with him.  He is still very sedated at this time, and the ventilator is doing all the work of breathing, but assuming we get through this weekend without any surprises, an attempt to reduce the pressure being given by the vent may start early next week.  Then the process of weaning sedation and the vent begins again.

His injuries from the accident have been healing during all of this.  The small brain bleed and lacerated spleen have healed…..the last of the chest tubes was removed from the left lung yesterday and the lung injuries sustained are healing…..and the many broken bones are slowly but surely doing their thing.

The doctors are still taking things very day by day with my love, and so, for sanity’s sake, am I.  I have some vague ideas of what the next steps in this process will be, but trying to put some time frame on it all continues to just not be possible.  It almost always is in cases like this.  My mantra of taking one day at a time and making it the best it can be is getting a run for its money J

I really am doing okay. I probably analyze myself and my reactions to things more than most, and do so mostly because I find it fascinating how emotions and the mind work.  This experience has been no exception.  My reactions and typical modes of operation have been turned upside down in this case, but not so much in a bad way.  Unlike my usual approach to something medical, I asked few questions and emotionally protected myself from the extent of what we had going on in the beginning.  I just simply could only deal with a little bit at a time.  It was days before I asked about or looked at any labs….actually, it was more than a week into it all.  I minimized my interactions with anyone I thought might have more information to share than I could handle, and slowly worked my way into this whole mess.  The difference for me from chronic care to traumatic is substantial, and far more than I could have ever anticipated.  It has thankfully all just happened without any real thought on my part.  I have been at peace from the beginning with how I was dealing with it, and how I needed to deal with it all has just been so very clear cut, I have yet to question any of it.  All this to say, I am coping.  I did talk with some people that would know this last week, and they confirm I am still sane (always good to know…LOL).

The kids are coping remarkably well too, each in their own way.  They ask a little more about what’s going on each day, and I suspect, like me, they are emotionally protecting themselves till they are ready.  I get it and can totally walk that walk with them.  They are being loved on and entertained (read: distracted) by amazing people that we are so blessed to have in our lives.  And they, like me, are gearing up for the long haul.  The stress of it all is taking a toll on their health, and each one is dealing with some issues right now, but we have an amazing team of doctors that are quite literally at our beck and call, and that makes a huge difference. 

What I know, without question, is that we will all be okay.  We will find a way to accept our “new normals” and we will continue to truly LIVE as we have for so many years before this.

Our gratitude for all the support of so many is immeasurable. There are simply no words worthy of describing it. Our friends and family are amazing!!

A few links to some awesome articles & blog posts about Michael.....

Dallas Trinity Trails Blog: http://dallastrinitytrails.blogspot.com/2012/05/michael-tripp-mcnair.html?m=0

and this one including a link to the WFAA news story: http://dallastrinitytrails.blogspot.com/2012/05/wfaa-story-on-michael-tripp-mcnairs.html?m=0

Dallas Morning News: http://www.dallasnews.com/news/community-news/dallas/headlines/20120518-dallas-bike-advocate-mike-mcnair-seriously-injured-by-car.ece

D Magazine Blog: http://frontburner.dmagazine.com/2012/05/21/michael-mcnair-bicycling-advocate-seriously-injured-in-crash/

The ChipIn page (in the sidebar) will have regular updates posted if your not a friend on Facebook.

It only takes a second for your world to change forever

This was not the post I was supposed to be struggling with tonight.  This was supposed to be the post about how this little blog has reached the milestone of 25,000 views, and an opportunity to share the other milestone in our lives....the amazingness of our 10th Wish Night.  I was supposed to be sharing that Madison has seen some stability as of late, something we all desperately needed to see, and that Chance had the opportunity to be a part of the new Teen Room opening at Cook Childrens where both Troy Aikman and Garth Brooks were in attendence for the dedication.  It was supposed to be a happy post.

Life changes in a moment.

Tuesday morning about 11:30, my dearest husband was riding his bicycle back towards home when he was struck by a vehicle, not two miles from our house.  Other than the location of the accident, we still have no information on what happened.

What we do know is what the aftermath is, and will be for some time.  Michael has a laceration to the back of his head, some mild bleeding on the brain, a broken neck (thank you Lord, no paralysis), all the ribs on the left side are violently broken, the left lung was punctured, his lower back is broken, his spleen is lacerated and the artery that feeds the spleen was "leaking", his pelvis is broken in multiple places, and his left hip was broken. Thus far they have repaired the leaking artery and the hip....still potentially to come, the pelvis and ribs surgically repaired, and more information on the neck injury.....and lots of time for healing.  He is currently in ICU on a ventilator, but vitals are staying stable.

We are SO lucky......

as always, he was wearing his helmet and it no doubt saved his life.

the 150+ miles of riding every week for the last 7 years is going to make his ability to recover from this devestation possible.  I am convinced of it, even if the doctors don't seem so sure.

his bull headed stubborness and obsession with riding will make this recovery possible.  The doctors just don't know who they are dealing with yet.

we have the most amazing friends, family & work-family who are literally holding us up through this time.

We are early into this latest journey and I am not stupid enough to not realize there will be hard days ahead.....my heart hurts, literally, thinking about them.  Right now though....right now I just want to hear his voice and see his eyes open looking at me.

Those amazing friends I mentioned above are already at work to help us get through this time.  In the coming days we will get together a calendar for things we need help with, from meals to whatever else we can come up with (any ideas are appreciated, my brain is still not up to speed yet), and as of this evening a dear friend set up a ChipIn account to help with any financial strain we might face in the immediate future at http://mcnairfamily.chipin.com/medical-and-incidental-expenses-for-the-mcnair-family  Until I am able to consistently update here, there will be updates on the ChipIn page if your not on Facebook with me and able to follow along.

The kids are showing us (again) how amazingly strong they are.  All three dealing with it in different ways, but dealing with it so very effectively.

Please keep Michael in your prayers in the coming days, weeks and months.  I know my man....he is amazing and strong and resilient, but this will test him and I both...perhaps more than we have ever been tested before (and thats saying a lot!!).  Thanks to all that have already been here for us, and for those that will hold my precious husband in their prayers.

Storms

Last week, as most of you know, we had some devastating storms come through our part of this world. Having lived in Texas most of my life, I am hardly new to tornados and bad weather.  In fact, I have been through a couple of very hairy experiences in my time, all of which very thankfully never resulted in anything more than property damage.  I will admit though that the storms last week were a little too close for comfort, and for the first time in a long, long time I actually got everything ready for us to take cover and pray.

Thankfully, things stayed just far enough away that Chance and I never did have to actually go to our safe space.  The girls were with my mom in East Texas, so at least I was not worrying about them at the time, and Michael was at work where they spent more time than he liked standing in the stair wells.  When all was said and done, we were safe and had no damage.

As the danger passed for us, my attentions turned to our friends & family who were still in the line of fire.  It is in these moments that you sometimes realize that you have far too many people you love in one area, something I realized as I texted each one to make sure they were okay. One by one I was hearing back from these precious people that they were okay and the danger had passed, each time sighing with relief.  But as time passed and I realized some of our family had not responded, my concern grew.

After what seemed like an eternity, some news started to trickle through.  Most importantly, our family was all okay, but the neighborhood where both my Great Aunt & Uncle, and their daughter and her husband live had taken a direct hit and there was devastation. My great aunt & uncle’s house is completely torn apart….but they are okay.  Miraculously!!! My cousin’s house is one of the few still standing, and they were right there to help when it was needed most.  Thankfully the rest of our family in the area escaped the wrath of this devastating tornado.

Please keep our family, and all the others affected by the storms, in your thoughts and prayers as they attempt to rebuild their lives.

Sometimes, life feels a bit like springtime weather in Texas.

You have sunny, beautiful days where all you want to do is revel in the moment, feeling the warmth of the sun on your face and the perfect breezes.  Then, sometimes without much warning, you suddenly see something brewing in the sky and feel the winds shift as a storm starts to blow in.  It might blow over quickly, might just provide some needed rain, could be a gully washer, and sometimes it’s something much more. 

You can see the signs, just cannot know exactly what your in for.

This place, where you see something brewing but just cannot say for sure what it’s going to turn into, is where we have been with Miss Madison (medically) for a little while now.  Like last week, I haven’t wanted to say we were “okay” till the storm had passed, so I have been waiting for some sign from Madison that we have either seen the worst of this, or whether there is more to come.  It’s STILL not clear at this point. She is not in crises, but keeps flirting with the edges of that place far more than I would like to see. 

Last week, I lost a whole afternoon, watching the news and listening for signs that we should take cover.  Likewise, our days the last month have included gathering all kinds of medical information in an attempt to watch for signs of needing to do more to support our girl.  Much like a tornado, where you have just enough information to know that one might form, but cannot know where or when till moments before, we have been watching her like a hawk, looking for the signs that we might be seeing something that we need to take action to avoid.  Like a tornado, her body is sending signals, but we are (thankfully) still waiting to see if there is going to be a touch down and whether it will be a little tornado with no damage, or something bigger and more ominous.

At the same time, there has been a storm brewing regarding the kids care, who we are seeing, and between some of the physicians on our team.  This has not helped the general uneasy feeling I have, however, I truly believe some streamlining is in order and may make a positive difference for us all in the long run.  The stress of it all though has been intense.  I loathe making changes in the kids care team, in part because I have pretty carefully and meticulously built the team to where it is now, but also because it means new doctors and the process it takes to get them to the point where they have a vested interest in my children and our family.  It’s never easy, always takes time, and doesn’t always work the way we would like for it to.  The reality is though, while what we have in place has worked for us thus far, there are gaps that we have no choice but to get filled at this point.

In the midst of all of this, there HAVE been many sunny days (or at least moments), literally and figuratively, and for those I am so very grateful.  We are attempting to adjust to this new normal in some way, and with that is coming all kinds of changes.  In general, changes can be good, but they almost always come with some trepidation as I move out of my comfort zone.

Thank you all for the continued prayers…..please keep them coming!!!