Pomegranate Jelly

I have been a part of Michael’s family now for 26 years, and for as long as I can remember, every Christmas, Mammaw (Michael’s grandmother) has given him a jar of her homemade Pomegranate jelly.  It’s something we have both looked forward to, something we savor, and something we eek out through the year to try and make it last till the next batch.  We never, ever make it much past June.

Long before the pomegranate rage, we appreciated them and this amazing jelly made so lovingly by his grandmother.  Long before you could buy ANYTHING made with pomegranates, we were savoring the flavor, not even knowing it might be good for us in some way.  We were into pomegranates, before pomegranates were cool!!

I just placed the very last jar of pomegranate jelly that will be made by Mammaw, from her pomegranate trees in her back yard, in my refrigerator…..and it makes me sad, and melancholy, and just generally blah.

I won’t share Mammaw’s age because, well, she doesn’t (at least not willingly)…I will only say that she has been “39 and holding” for more than 50 years now.  She is exactly who I hope to be as I age….active, involved, engaged and, simply put, full of life. She is the epitome of growing old gracefully and I can only hope to do it half as well as she has.

Mammaw fell and broke her hip this past July.

She has recovered amazingly well…..no doubt because of all that graceful living she has been doing for so long…..but in the end, the fall has brought with it all kinds of changes, one of which is that she is now living locally in an assisted living apartment.  This means, at some point in the near future, her house will be on the market and there won’t be pomegranate trees to pick from and make jelly. 

This house has been theirs since Michael’s mom was a child at least, so saying good bye to this house is so much more than saying good bye to pomegranate trees (after all, it’s not like they are the only pomegranate trees out there!!), but in some ways, that yard Mammaw so lovingly tended for so many years, those trees that she took the fruit from every year, these are the areas that I personally will miss the most, the ones I grieve for as we move towards getting the house ready to sell.

I have already asked her to show me how to make the jelly, and I will find some trees somewhere to get the fruit from, but that little jar of jelly, so lovingly made by her, will never be the same being made by me.

Truth is, when all is said and done, we have one last jar to savor, Mammaw is here closer and we will get to see her much more, and she IS making amazing strides to getting back to where she was before…..all of which is way more important than a jar of jelly and some pomegranate trees.  Counting the blessings!!!

Sorry for being so MIA……updates to come…..working on getting back into a groove and getting out of the funk I seem to be in right now!!  It’s a new year and I just need to get psyched for new adventures and the promise a new year holds!!!!!

Hindsight

           

There are times when the realization that hindsight is 20-20 is frustrating, and other’s when it is enlightening, and the latter is the case this time.

Hindsight this time allows me to acknowledge a joyous, wonderful thing…..and at the same time, requires some processing for me.  Sometimes I process best by getting it “down on paper”, so here I am to share this journey with you all.

Last night, my precious Madison actually asked to wear make up and took some time finding an outfit to wear, and even accessorized said outfit for a dinner out with us, and her grandparent’s and great grandmother. 

For most this would not seem significant…..and for some they might even be saying “ugh” about their 14 year old daughter wearing make up….but in this house, for Madison to have the energy to even care about how she looks, is a huge gain!!  Miss Abby will always be the fashionista in this house, but the realization last night is that, when there is energy to do it, Madison DOES care about making herself up.

However, the greater realization is how bad things were before, and that we were in that “bad” place for a long, long time.

There is a whole combination of things that have changed to get her “here”, none of which, on their own seemed to do the trick, but together seem to finally have gotten her over a very large hump she wasn’t managing to get over on her own.  The only question at this moment is whether her body will continue to cooperate with the changes, and if we can keep future hits to her system to a minimum.

I don’t know how successful we can be, but do feel like we will ALL be even more proactive in the future with her…..we know how far she can fall now, and no one wants her back there if we can help it.

I am rejoicing in where Madison is right now!!

However, I’d be lying if I didn’t say that it’s a bittersweet joy.

To make last night happen, she rested all day, was tube fed the majority of her nutrition and fluids, and was on oxygen for the majority of the day.  She had enough spunk to get up at 5, get dressed and put make up on, make the trip across town to see family and have dinner, but was “done” about 8:30 and ready to head home.  And the effort last night meant that she just didn’t have it in her this morning to get up and make it to horseback riding therapy, and I suspect she’ll be low key through today and maybe even tomorrow.

All to say, it’s taking a lot of support for these rather brief moments of activity, but considering where we were not that long ago, this is still a huge success.  And we are ALL celebrating these moments with our girl!!

As sweet, or maybe even sweeter, are the moments in between the bigger energy expenditures…..the moments here at home when she is interacting with us all, bantering, teasing, laughing, and being a PART of things.  I have missed that the most this year….seeing that spark in her eyes, hearing that belly laugh of hers, and just watching the wheels in her head actually in motion.  So while the big expenditures of energy are still rather few and far between, are requiring a lot to make them happen, and are all too brief……these smaller expenditures are now happening most of the time, and are in reality, the ones that are the most important. 

In hindsight, I can see just how bad things have been this year…..and appreciate more the gains we are making now.  And that friends, is a huge blessing.

I want to finish with some words about my daughter, and I am feeling rather verclempt as I write them, so bear with me.

Madison has always been my strong, stoic child.  We have said since she was little that she was an “old soul”, and that it was as if she had been here before and just knew all would be okay.  She has endured more than most in this world, and always with a tremendous grace and dignity that clearly comes from some inner fortitude that was bestowed on her.  She has had to work harder for every gain, with less energy than others; and her bravery in the face of tests and procedures has been super human in my opinion.  She doesn’t whine about it, makes the best of every moment, and shows us all how one lives this life in the moment, appreciating it all.

Having said all that, the last three years have been HARD for her.  Harder than ever before, and at a time when she “gets” it all more than when she was little.  She incrementally was losing more and more, and feeling worse and worse, and nothing we were doing to try and address it really seemed to be making a difference.  I know how desperate I was feeling, I can only imagine how it has been affecting her.  By early August this year, she was as close to bed bound as one can be without being completely there, and the simple act of just interacting was more than she could manage. 

I cannot possibly express how inspired I am by how she has handled it all…..all of the struggles, all of the changes, and all of the new, worsening, normals.  She has maintained her positive attitude, shown us her strength and fortitude, and never, ever let what was happening get her down.  She has more than tolerated all of the new supports in place, has been handling it all herself since we started them, and has made the best of all the new equipment in the house by naming them all…LOL!!

She has shown us all a new level of strength and grace….and I could not be prouder of her.

I am sure Madison would agree that we would not have made it through this time without the support of our friends and family, so THANK YOU!!  Thank you for the thoughts and prayers, the phone calls, and for just being there for us.  Chance & Abby, as well as so many others, have been Madison’s cheerleaders when she needed them the most, and we cannot begin to express how much it means to us to know you all are out there for us.

Now is the time you get to REJOICE with us!!!

Love & Hugs,

The M’s

A {50 in 50} Update

It’s been far too long since I have updated on how we are doing on reaching the goals we set for ourselves way back at the beginning of the year….truth be told, I have been bad about looking at it and reminding myself what else we have to mark off!!  However, SOME of the items have been accomplished and it seems like a good time to update on them.

[X]1.    Accept (and even embrace) the fact that we have to be in Houston for medical care every other month this year.

as of 10/18 – WE DID IT!!!  We have made it a whole year and have only gone to Houston as scheduled, every other month.  We have appointments at the end of November and we can officially say we made it all the way through.  After 2 years of 12 visits each year, this is HUGE and has been a source of great relief.

 [ / ]3.    Help Chance in any way possible to fulfill his dream of having a band & playing a gig.

as of 10/18 – Chance was able to do band camp this summer, as well as a month of bass lessons.  In the works…a month of mandolin lessons and a month more of bass lessons before the end of the year.

[ / ]4.    Help Chance to find ways to “work”, even if only on a volunteer basis.

As of 10/18 – Chance continues to enjoy his service on the Youth Advisory Council at Cook Children’s and hopes to be able to do more there.  Several other volunteer applications are in hand and being worked on.

 [ / ]6.    Finalize plans for transportation in general for Chance.

As of 10/18 – We have the form in hand to get transportation arranged and will have it set up very soon!!  Chance is looking forward to getting himself around town on his own, as is his mom.

[ / ]7.    Make our home the one we all want it to be….purge it all, pretty it up, & party like it’s 1984.

As of 10/18 – very much still a work in progress, but big things are happening here…more on this soon.

[ / ]8.    Find a way for Chance to take guitar lessons monthly at least.

See #3 above.

17.    Find a way for Abby to travel to Wichita Falls and spend time with our Mammaw this summer.

As of 10/18 – One of those times when your heart hurts that you didn’t make something happen as you had hoped…..which is exactly why we made this list in the first place.  Sadly we were not able to make this happen this summer, and as of last week Mammaw is now here in town after breaking her hip in a fall in August.  While her house is still there, we are now in the process of getting it ready to sell and the possibility of any of my kids getting their week there during the summer, like their father did, is gone. L

[X]26.    Plan a “Get-A-Way” a quarter for the family.

As of 10/18 – Our final adventure of the year is going to be Mito Camp just outside Houston at the end of this month, and we are looking very forward to it!!  We will miss the old man, but are happy to have my mom along for the adventure.

[ / ]27.    Find our “center”, AKA Balance again.

As of 10/18 – getting there!!!

[X]29.    Attempt to get as many appointments scheduled, for as far out as possible, so we at least know when & where we need to be as far out as possible.

As of 10/18 – By June we had virtually all our appointments for the year scheduled!!!  It has made a HUGE difference in how we have all been feeling about what needs to be done.  Even when changes have had to be made, some control over it all has been felt.

[X]32.    Find ways to raise the funds needed for our adventures in Seattle.

As of 10/18 – WE DID IT!!  No….you all did it!!  Thanks to a bunch of amazing people we were able to fully fundraise for our trip to Seattle.  It was amazing and we are blessed beyond words.

[ / ]35.    Get our finances more in order (Dave Ramsey or the like).

As of 10/18 – We have actually done pretty well all year.  Need to get through our current adventure and then the holidays, but it’s feeling like we are going to get through a year in pretty good shape….finally!!

[X]36.    Work on transitioning Chance as he nears 18 in July.

[ / ]37.    Stay on top of the vast amount of paperwork that comes into the house weekly.

As of 10/18 – I have determined this will ALWAYS be a work in progress, but I have gained at least some control over it all this year, and for this, I am thrilled.

Six more items I could completely strike through, and eight more that we have some kind of update on.  NOT BAD!!

Still a lot left to do, including some kind of celebration for Chance on turning 18, and Miss Madi’s birthday is already around the corner too….the big 15!! 

I don’t know that we will finish, or even work on all the items on this list before the end of the year (let’s face it, the end of the year is almost here), and while I am disappointed, I am proud of what this list allowed us to get done…..excited about this as a tool to remember the day to day things that really do need our focus sometimes.  Needless to say, there will be another “50 in 50” for next year, with some of the items being the same as this year, but I have no doubt, also including some new goals to reach for.

Thanks for joining us on this journey!!!